Away Messages
My roommate and partner in ridiculousness and retardery, Jake, is famous for his AIM away messages. He kind of got me started, so for the past year or so when I set an away message, I try to make it interesting. Here’s a selection, for those of you who may be too busy living your lives to catch every single one.
Here’s a selection. Commentary is italicized.
These are just random:
- I do my best work in the shower. And by work, I mean Hotohori impressions.
- Sometimes I like to curl up with my dolly (her name is Sarah Jane) and read a nice book with some soup and crackers. Also I wear a frilly pink dress. During these times, you may addess me as “Annemarie.” That is all. …I’m not sure what I was thinking.
- I have a coworker who claims she can only afford to eat ramen. That’s good for me, given my leadership of the shadowy instant-ramen cabal that spans the globe and has influence extending into the deepest, most obscure groups of po’ students. Probably Katie from Target.
- Papa got a brand-new bag. Wait, no—a mechanized weapons platform. Not a bag. It’s easy to get them confused.
- On my farm, I grow hideous beasts with gravel-like teeth whose sole purpose is to work in the great mines of the planet Tuqkketh, crushing ore in their jaws and pulling great rubble-carts behind them. The fact that these beasts are sentient and know only misery their whole lives is just sort of a bonus, really. I think I was playing Harvest Moon.
Here are some from last Christmas:
- Our family celebrates Christmas by the ritual slaughter of the merriest Christmas elf we can find.
- To the rest of you, it’s Christmas, but to me, it’s R’tok, the coming-of-age ceremony for my half-orc warrior-barbarian character. If he passes, I get to roll 3d10 to hit.
- Post-Christmas? Why, I’m wandering around the house in a cookie-fueled haze of materialistic bliss. Wait, no, that’s my cat.
This is but a small selection of inanity I have archived. I think everybody should do this; it makes instant messaging far, far more entertaining.